From a Breeze to a Hurricane
by xxfeichixx
Summary: Somehow, a tiny pebble led to the demolition of the Ryodan hideout. What happens when they try to stay at an inn? Well, havoc clashed with chaos. A Spider crack fic
1. Chapter 1-Headquarters

I'm supposed to be doing homework, but I don't want to, so I'm using this fic as an excuse to not do it X)

Spider crack fics are just soooooo much fuunn. I've had this fic in my head several months ago, but didn't really feel like writing it. Now, I am. It might take a while to update just so you guys know.

Disclaimer: Characters are Togashi's. Not mine.

Warning: Slight OOC. Just slight…or maybe a lot. Well, this is a crack fic. But do beware. There will be some awkward moments. So…BRACE YOURSELVES!

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It all started with a pebble. A tiny pebble. An innocent tiny pebble. A- okay, enough describing of the pebble, but just to be clear, it did started with a stupid pebble.

_A sniper bullet hit Uvo on the side of his head._

"_A rifle? How annoying. Trying to take me out from afar?"_

_The human tank picked up a pebble on the ground, and with such force and accuracy, threw it at the direction of the sniper. The launch did not miss nor injure. It killed._

"_Bull's-eye!"Uvo proclaimed jubilantly._

Yes! This pebble…this pebble is a sign from Uvo, Nobunaga thought enthusiastically. He picked up the jagged stone and ran towards the other members of the infamous Genei Ryodan.

"It's a sign! A sign from Uvo!"

The samurai held the stone up proudly so that everyone could see.

If one gives Nobunaga too much time to think, this is what happens. Nobunaga had turned into a believer of spirits after the York Shin incident, much to the inconvenience of others. Kalluto, being the only one who had a business to attend to, was fortunate enough to avoid Nobunaga and this new revelation, which occurs every now and then. The other members looked at each other with a bored expression on their face and proceeded to continue what they were doing before the samurai's random outburst.

"You don't believe me, do you?"

Nobunaga stomped over to a group of four that consisted of Frankenstein, the Grudge, Velma, and Anko.( In case you want to know their real names, it's actually Franklin, Korutopi, Shizuku, and Machi respectively). Their game of cards was kicked away by the angry samurai. He held the pebble in front of them, anticipating the reaction he desired; however, he only received a glare from Machi. Korutopi went over to Bonorenofu, and Shizuku had not yet processed what had happened, and so, only cocked her head to one side.

Nobunaga held the stone up higher.

"Nobunaga, stop it," said Franklin.

"No, I won't! Not until each and every one of you realized what this pebble means!"

"Give it a rest, Nobunaga," a blond bishounen sighed, "It's just a pebble."

"Just a pebble? Just a peb-" Nobunaga shook his head in disbelief. "You spend too much time on computers, Shalnark. If you would just take the time to-" Nobunaga shook his head again, sighed, and went over to Feitan and Phinks.

"What do you think?" He held the tiny object up close to the duo's faces.

"Cocoa pebbles…" Phinks said.

"The universe…" Feitan said.

For a moment, everyone but Phinks looked at Feitan in astonishment. Having remembered that the two had a drinking contest the night before, they quickly dismissed the bandit's momentary profundity…or stupidity.

_They're still hungover, _Nobunaga decided. He dashed back to the previous group and held the stone up once more, his hands shaking from excitement.

Machi sighed loudly.

"Well," Shalnark said slowly, "I guess you can compare it to the universe by thinking of the rock as a planet and-"

"It's a pebble! A pebble! And don't you dare compare it to a planet, which is practically so small in the universe, it's almost insignificant!"

"DID YOU JUST CALL ME SMALL AND INSIGNIFICANT?!" bursted Feitan, "Let's go. Right here, right now. I'll beat you to a pulp!"

Perhaps three hundred shots of vodka was a little too much for him…

"No fighting, you guys" warned Machi, but Feitan charged at Nobunaga anyway. Too disoriented, Feitan ended up assaulting a wall that was not even remotely close to where the samurai had been standing. Phinks chuckled. Everyone else resisted the urge to do a facepalm that was directed at their "leader."

"Anyways…the pebble…" Nobunaga started.

"Just cut it out already, Nobunaga!" interrupted Franklin.

"Wha? No! You never believe me! None of you ever believe me! I'll show you what a samurai can do. We're the best warriors there are."

Machi snorted. "Ninjas are the better fighters. They fight with skill, stealth, and grace."

"I believe you're both mistaken." Bonorenofu joined in, "My clan fights most beautifully in the world."

The three warriors glared at each other, whipping up a hurricane that had about a three hundred mile radius.

Phinks chimed in, "I think Bono's right. I've seen all you guys fight, but you two just don't seem to have much style despite being a ninja or a samurai."

"OF COURSE, you'd side with Bonorenofu!" Nobunaga spat. Machi just gave Phinks an extra deadly glare.

Phinks shook his head in anger and hysteria. "I am SICK and TIRED of everyone telling me that I get along with Bono just because he looks like a mummy and I have a freakin' Egyptian outfit! I am not getting married to him! Geez…"

"Are you sure?" Shalnark teased.

In a moment's notice, Phink's punch landed right on the spot where Shalnark had been standing. The young blonde had dodged at the last second.

"Whoa, that was a close." said Shalnark.

Apparently, Phinks was a lot more sober than Feitan.

Franklin tried to stop Phinks, but ended up getting into a fight with him. Shalnark was trying to mediate the fight between the two, while Shizuku did the same with the three competing fighters. Feitan was still attacking the wall and Korutopi was trying to avoid the cloud of fists and boulders that were erupting from all the fights.

In just fifteen minutes, the infamous killers turned homeless, their headquarters completely turned to rubble. Not that they were homeless to begin with since technically, those who reside in Meteor City were practically homeless people…so yeah…

The Ryodan ended up at an inn several miles away from their previous base since the whole area around their headquarter was completely demolished and nothing but ash.

Currently, Feitan was arguing with the innkeeper. Well…more like shouting and complaining and whining…but anyways, on with story…

"What do you mean there're only three rooms left?!"

"W-we're very sorry, sir, but Gadot tourists have booked in m-more than half of our rooms," the innkeeper replied sheepishly. Pity her poor soul for she must face the mayhem that always seems to come in the same package as the Spiders.

"...Phinks…"

"Hah?"

"Prepare to kill those damn tourists," Feitan announced as he turned to leave, quite possibly to kill (and torture) some tourists.

"Sir!" exclaimed the innkeeper, completely aghast.

"Wait!" Shalnark bursted, "We'll take the last three rooms!"

Feitan turned to Shalnark with dangerous glint in his eyes. "I. Will. Not. SHARE. A. Room. Especially with girls."

"Ah, so you'd rather room in with men, then. I always did take you for a homosexual individual."

"That's not what I meant!" _This…this NERD!_

Feitan lunged at Shalnark, only to fall unconscious from midair when Shizuku struck him hard with her vacuum cleaner.

Silence.

*Cough* "Here are the keys to your rooms!" The innkeeper bowed and dashed quickly behind a pillar. "Enjoy your visit at the inn."

With that, she left and hid in the back for the rest of the day, hoping that these psychopaths would leave as soon as possible. Of course, that wasn't going to happen.

Machi was in complete agreement with Feitan about the whole sharing thing, but it can't be helped. Killing might attract attention- unwanted attention, mainly speaking the Chain User's attention. So they have to somehow make this work, though it is quite a pain. The others seem to be rooted in the same logic. So… they're gonna have to share a room with each other…yay.

Machi walked up to Shalnark and with all the courage she could muster, asked the question everyone had been dreading, "Alright, who's rooming with who?"

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A/N: I'm not really quite sure how Japanese inns work, but I went to Google, then to Wikipedia and…there wasn't much info so forgive me if there are inaccurate facts in this fic.

So tired…it's 2 in the morning…ZOMBIE MODE! Raaargh!


	2. Chapter 2- Hotsprings

Disclaimer: I do not own Hunter X Hunter.

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"Well…" Shalnark pondered, "Machi and Shizuku are girls, so it's only reasonable to put them in the same room together. The problem is the third roommate. Hmmm, it should be…"

"Me!" Phinks chimed in. :D

"No," Machi replied sternly.

"Just throw Korutopi in there since he looks like a girl with his long hair anyways," proposed Nobunaga.

"…I'm offended..."

Nevertheless, everyone agreed wholeheartedly.

Shalnark stepped into the center of the circle that the group had unconsciously formed. "Feitan, Phinks, and I would be in one room- Nobunaga, Franklin, and Bonorenofu in the other. It's about a quarter to six, so I guess it's about time that we order something to eat. I'll go check what kind of food they have. "

With that, their crowd dispersed. Franklin, with his big bulk of a body, ran, or rather shuffled, quickly to catch up to boy genius. "Shalnark, trade rooms with me."

"Why?"

"Oh you know, just cuz'."

Awkward silence.

"You don't want to room with Nobunaga, do you?"

"Nope."

Shalnark looked over both shoulders to make sure that the subject of their conservation was nowhere near the vicinity. He hunched over and whispered, "I don't want to be in the same with him either."

"Can't you just trade out Feitan or Phinks?"

"Can't. Those two come in a package. They're like tar and feathers…you know, when you tar someone."

"Oh…wait! What if you room those two with Nobunaga?" Franklin nudged Shalnark jokingly.

Shalnark placed his hands on his hips, the way mothers do when they scolded their children. For a moment, Franklin thought that Shalnark would tell him "no"; instead, the lad said, "Franklin, I like what you're thinking."

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There really was nothing much to do at the inn except bathe in the hot springs, which was precisely what they did, or most of them did anyways. Actually, only a few of them really did.

Phinks observed the scenery before him. There wasn't really much to describe except for the abundance of trees. They were everywhere. Sounds of forest creatures could be heard from a distance. It made the Spider a little paranoid. What if someone was hiding behind the verdant scenery? Somehow, Phinks immediately thought of Hisoka lurking somewhere out there. He shuddered.

"Phinks," Franklin called out.

At the sound of his name, Phinks snapped back to reality. He took off his robe and stood bare before the body of water. He couldn't help but notice how toned his muscles were. His gaze shifted to the robe. It looked lonely on the floor.

_It's okay, _Phinks mentally comforted the object, _You'll be reunited with my totally hot body in an hour or two. Until then, just wait._

He always did thought he was too sexy for clothes anyways. That is, if you ignore his lack of eyebrows.

"Where's Feitan?" asked Franklin.

"Oh, he's still unconscious, so I dragged him into our room."

Franklin stifled a snicker as Phinks slid into the scalding hot water. Phinks and Feitan would be devastated if they found out that they'll be spending some nights with Nobunaga. Franklin felt bad. Just a little. The idea of someone waking you up in the middle of the night to philosophize about a pen, slipper, or underwear was not exactly appealing.

"And can you believe that there's only one huge sleeping mat AND blanket?!" Phinks raged. "We have to share! SHARE! Heartless bastards like us don't SHARE! In fact, that word is forbidden. FOOOOORBIDDDEEEENNNN. And…"

As Phinks raged on and on about his miseries and woes, Franklin shifted his attention to Bonorenofu, who was still dressed in bandages. "Not going in?"

"Chemicals in the water may damage my rings," the mummy casually replied. "And so, I must seek the highest altitude this inn can offer and stare at the mountains and the everlasting rays of light that the sun and the stars provide. There, I will call upon the strength of my ancestors and produce a music so beautiful, but so powerful, it will create an entirely different level of battle, accompanied with both beauty and melody; furthermore…blah, blah, blah…"

Franklin sighed. A simple "no" would have sufficed. He wished he had someone to talk to. Phinks was sulking in the corner, Shalnark was getting food, Feitan was still unconscious…just now, Bonorenofu went off to go mountain/sun/star-gazing… Korutopi was somewhere… and then there's Nobunaga…he was not someone you wanted to talk to, unless you wanted to engage in a conversation of a samurai's ethic code or the inconspicuous messages that the dead leave behind. Speaking of which…

"Ubo would've loved this…he said that hot springs help shape and relax his muscles…" Nobunaga muttered.

_Here we go again_, Franklin thought. He could feel the symptoms of a premature headache beginning to take place in his cranium.

Meanwhile, Machi had been fighting a long, hard battle. This was it. The outcome of this fight was about to be determined. This bobby pin…it was the last of her supplies. With grace and accuracy, she placed the accessory delicately on her hair.

_I DARE you to fall out of place. Just see what happens if you do. Go ahead. Just try it. _

Machi glared at her hair's reflection as she silently threatened it, her aura blazing wildly. Her muscles strained in tension, her hands shook from bottled up anger, and her sweat dripped on the side of her porcelain skin from the uneasiness of it all. For more than half a minute, Machi was frozen in suspension. She waited three more seconds. The lock of troublesome hair did not move. Alas! The battle was won! Machi sighed inwardly in relief. She can finally join Shizuku in the hot springs. A quick glance at the clock told Machi that a good half hour had already passed since the time that Machi was supposed to meet her comrade. She gathered her belongings and bolted out of the bathroom.

As Machi reached the door to the springs, she slowed down. Two doors stood right next to each other. The entry to the women's area was on the right, while the men's was on the left.

_If Shizuku asks, I'll tell her that a bunch of men tried to hit on me, and I had to beat the crap out of those motherfu- _

Ahem. Yea…that was believable enough. Just as she was about to slide the door open, a horde of naked men stampeded out the men's hot springs, followed by an angry and naked Nobunaga. Machi's right eye twitched. She had just been scarred for life. Through the doorway, she could see Franklin and Phinks half submerged in the water.

"Uhh, Nobunaga was making a fuss about the water, the tourists told him to shut up, and Nobunaga got mad," Franklin briefly explained.

Machi nodded and quickly closed the door to the men's hot springs. Just then, a horde of crying women stampeded out of the women's area. Machi waited a few seconds. No naked woman was chasing them apparently… She peeked into the women's hot springs. Only Shizuku remained in the water. Her back was turned to Machi.

_Did she threaten those women? _she wondered.

Machi coughed so as to let the young girl know of her presence.

"Oh, Machi! You're here."

As Shizuku turned to face Machi, the place suddenly turned brighter. Rays of imminent pure and holy light shone from Shizuku's chest area.

Machi's knees shook and slowly plunged to the floor. She could see why those women ran in despair. An "F" cup! Heck, she would've ran too if she didn't train herself to remain stoic at dire times such as these. But she did, which was why she was just going to calmly walk away…with the wall as a support for her debilitated knees.

"Machi, you look sick. I think you should just call it a day." Shizuku politely called out.

Machi did not hear Shizuku. She was drowning in a sea of despair. She began to roll against the wall, on her way to wherever the wall will take her when she stumbled upon a door. Machi opened it and took a peek. It was a private bathing room! Machi made sure that no one was in the hall before she entered the room and hastily locked it. As she threw her robe carelessly on the floor, beads of sweat were beginning to form on her body as the steam hugged her.

She slipped into the water, and felt the cool, hard tiles beneath her delicate feet. She relaxed and stretched her legs, only to find that she couldn't. There was something rock-hard in the water that was keeping her from doing so. Machi started kicking it.

"Did they put a boulder in shere? I just want to relax, damn it!"

There had just been too much trauma inflicted upon her this past couple of minutes. Now all she wanted was to spend some time alone and cool off. Was that too much to ask? No! Machi answered herself as she relentlessly kicked the object.

"Too damn stubborn to break, are you?" Machi growled. Her temper was almost at its breaking point. "We'll just see about that."

Just as Machi focused all her nen into her right foot, a murderous aura filled the room. She froze. Something dark was rising from the depths of the water, something evil. And when the creature had finally emerged, Machi let out a scream.

* * *

I feel so emotionally drained. My English teacher keeps assigning depressing books…I really don't want those books to start influencing this fic; it's supposed to be humor…

About Shizuku's breasts, they are HUGE! Have you read the Chimera Arc? They're HUGE. They were bigger than they were from the York Shin Arc. Oh and did I mention that they are HUUUGGGEEE? Okay, I'll stop there.

Anyways, thanks for those that reviewed. They're greatly appreciated. :DDD

As Yandere Shoujo pointed out, Feitan's grammar is indeed not perfect. I am aware that he has crooked Japanese and English (though strangely enough he has a perfect English accent in the dub XD), but I've watched this anime for years and I've seen more of the subbed version than the dubbed, so I'm just used to him speaking that way; my fics are reflecting that, I guess. I'm really sorry if that bothers anyone, but old habits are so hard to break T_T. - not really a habit but I can't really find another word for it, so…yeah. Moreover, there are several anime watchers of the anime that don't watch the English dub, so they're not really aware of Feitan's odd speech pattern…pretend it's an automatic translation of his grammar problems XD

Well, I hope I can upload more soon


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